Something I’ve been learning lately is that religion isn’t a social hierarchy, it’s a personal journey and relationship. I used to see the different spectrums of people’s religion, and I sorted them into levels. Those I thought were worse than me felt lost. Those I thought were better than me felt excessive, like they traded life for some superfluous ritual. I’ve realized how that perspective completely destroyed my relationship with God.

I was treating religion like a game, and I was trying so hard to make it measurable. How many times did I pray, how much history did I know, how many surahs could I recite. It was defeating the whole purpose. When someone knew more than me, they dedicated their lives to religion, when I knew more, I had a stronger relationship. It’s all wrong that way.

The very act of creating these levels in religion disrespects the relationship and spirituality that religion is supposed to be. To attribute these superficial characteristics — like ranking — to an omnipotent being with no form contradicts the essence of religion. It’s a personal guide, with a unique connection for everyone. How could God be more favorable to one or another when he manifests differently in each of our own perspectives of Him.

I do believe that God is Al-Haqq, or the Absolute Truth. His attributes and existence don’t change person to person, but religion is meant to be deeply personal. God says “I am as my servant thinks of me,” which is honestly kind of an emotional line for me to reflect on. God is an all loving, merciful spirit that you carry with you only as much as you choose to. But why wouldn’t we want to always carry someone who believes in the best of us.

The world we live in has let ego corrupt even what should be the most pure and sincere relationship, which is faith. The material world mainstreamed the importance of ego, leading us to believe that everything should have winners and losers. We’re conditioned to find measurable meaning in everything, even in the most unmeasurable. Our attempt to locate ourselves in this finite world weaponizes our relationship to the infinite. Applying that instinct to something boundless and eternal creates this tension with He who loves us unconditionally.

Now, if you ask me, the way we combat this ego with religion is through total surrender, which is the hardest part of religion for me. Islam literally translates to submission — and that feels telling. The radical act of stopping the measurement entirely, and letting your relationship with religion exist without the need to define it — well, that’s exactly what faith is.